I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
