Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
