I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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