He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
