My Higher Power is John Stamos
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I cut my penus on the lid.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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