Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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