do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she told me i tasted like america
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
