perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
