This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
