wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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