i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
