Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
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And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
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I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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