So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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