"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just come out here and I will go home with you...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
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