Already got asked if we're dating
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
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Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
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I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize