Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
