Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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