Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she smelled like a LAN party
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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