My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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