so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
