I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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