i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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