Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
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Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
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We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.