Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
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He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
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Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.