it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.