You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.