I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
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i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
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Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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