If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.