just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
