I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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