the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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