you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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