Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
