Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
