Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
