He is an equal opportunity slut.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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