You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
