Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
