I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
