I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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