I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize