i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
