I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
