Non-Jews are for practice
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
