yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
