i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
