now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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