I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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