There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
