i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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