She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
