Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
