Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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