see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
