and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
