yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
