Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
