My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
