I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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