You're my little dorito
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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