That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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