Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
