I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
