First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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