I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
