I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize