I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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