fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
This house was built for laser tag.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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