She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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