I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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