I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We had to coat check the pizza.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
