he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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