My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
