She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.