Pants 0. Shit 1.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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