What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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