omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.