If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
