Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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