NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
