the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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