i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
